America is facing some tough challenges right now

America is facing some tough challenges right now and the last thing we need to do is unnecessary divisions and conflicts; this is why we need a person or group that is going to unite us and speak for everyone.
Hi, I’m Artis Brown, maybe, representative of Exxon Mobil and we would like to offer our services dictating the truth to the rest of you so that we can avoid all this petty bickering. As long as we disagree on so many issues then we can’t get anything done and at Exxon Mobil we don’t believe that is in the best interest of our country.

(First posted on Open Salon on April 30 2012)

This is why we’ve been coming out with an ad campaign that is dominating the airwaves, because we care about America so much; otherwise we would never spend so much money on public relations. The fact that we do proves how much we care about you.

There are some people who seem to disagree; they think that we’re destroying the planet; but they clearly can’t be trusted to dictate the truth to you; this is proven by the fact that these phony environmentalists refuse to spend billions of dollars to present their phony arguments to the people. If they truly cared they would do so.

I know that some people claim that the reason for that is because they don’t have that much money and the only reason we have so much money is because of the huge profits we make by gouging people at the pump and refusing to be held accountable for the environmental damage that we do.

Well that is all just psycho talk; nothing could be further from the truth and the Supreme Court has indicated that we clearly must be right when they ruled that money equals speech! This means that those of us with the most money can dictate the truth to the rest of you and that the fact that we have so much money proves we’re always right!

How can there be any doubt about this the highest court and the land has spoken and therefore it must be true.

People that disagree with us don’t get any airtime on the corporate Mass Media therefore they must be wrong!

The mighty Supreme Court has spoken!

We have proven ourselves by presenting our “celebrating America’s teachers” campaign where people volunteer to speak about how much they care about teachers and convince you that we are the primary supporters of education as well as environmentalism; after all do you hear anyone else on the airwaves telling you about how much they care about educating children.

We would never try to abuse our influence in schools; Exxon Mobil is just to ethical for that. People like Susan Linn who write things that raise doubts about our integrity are clearly just jealous when they write something like:

In-school advertising began escalating in earnest in 1990. It now includes (but isn’t limited to) corporate-sponsored newscasts, field trips, classroom materials, vending machines, gymnasiums, walls, and whole buildings. Have you visited your child’s school lately? Perhaps she’s learning about energy production and consumption through the lens of companies like Exxon Mobil or professional associations like the American Coal Foundation (“Unlocking Coal’s Potential through Education”). Her inspiration for reading may be coming from Pizza Hut-complete with coupons to be redeemed at your local franchise. She may be attending mandatory assemblies where she can learn about job interviewing from McDonalds. If she lives in Washington, D.C., and wants to go into the hotel business, she might be attending the Marriot Hospitality Charter School. If she’s a kid in trouble, she could attend a Burger King Academy.

If she’s on a school athletic team, her shoes may come from Nike or Adidas. Her school’s scoreboard could owe its presence to the countless bottles of Coke or Pepsi she’s bought from school vending machines and a sport company logo. Access to her opinions and ideas may have been sold to a market research company. Her only exposure to current events might be brought to her courtesy of the aforementioned Ed Winter. He’s the guy who thought of Channel One, the twelve-minute news program that includes two minutes of commercials that her school is obligated to show daily for 90 percent of the school days each year. (Susan Linn "Consuming Kids" 2004 p.75-6)

There is even some crazy Blogger who keeps repeating this over and over again; apparently he doesn’t realize that only the corporations are allowed to use that tactic! People that write things like this are just demonstrating the fact that they’re misguided and are trying to promote propaganda which is why we would never allow them to have any air time on the Mass Media!

We will allow other oil companies, like Chevron, BP, the American Petroleum Institute, and clean coal organizations like The American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity to have some air time though because they clearly care about educating children and protecting the environment too; and they happen to agree with us. One of these organizations even provided a great ad that briefly showed a protest of the Occupy Wall Street movement clearly implying that they’re just a bunch of clowns which is why they should never be allowed to have any national air time. They know full well that by adding the term “clean” in front of the word coal that they can successfully make it a clean energy source as long as they spend an enormous amount of money on public relations to convince the public to believe what they’re told.

HHMmmm perhaps I should tone this down a little to make it more credible; nah, I’ll just worry about that in the morning after a few cups of coffee. I’ll just make sure I don’t post it until after this beer gets out of my system.

But anyway, that is besides the point; we clearly have much more right to dominate the airwaves since we have all the money and the Supreme Court has indicated that we’re fully justified and when we encourage the corporate media to boycott the so-called “Uncommercials” by Adbusters it is clearly justified; if the public needed more information to make their decisions then we would provide it. There is no need for these trouble makers like Adbusters, Susan Linn and other blloggers or psychotalkers to have any access to the airwaves and create unecesary divisions that contradict the best interest of Exxon Mobil on the air.
After all what is best for the short term profits of Exxon Mobil is best for the country!

And we know how to make it clear to the public that we care about them by using minorities to star in a lot of our commercials so that we don’t appear prejudiced; no need to acknowledge the inconvenient fact that many of the areas that are being devastated by environmental damage done by the oil companies are the same places that many poor people and minorities live.

All we have to do is hire a hand full of minorities that have good speaking skills and pay them enough to keep them in line and suppress any information about those that aren’t receiving a good education or are dieing from the damage to the environment.

The zombies will believe this as long as we repeat our spots over and over again; they’re to ignorant to check any facts for themselves so they’ll never suspect a thing!

All we need to do is present a bunch of short sound bites that we repeat over an over again that say things that sound real good like “I mean he could teach…. He was always there with his phone number…;” or “thank you mister Davies,” and the zombies will have such a feel good feeling that they’ll believe anything we tell them without thinking about wheter it was really like that in high school.

Who wants to think about all the details anyway, when you can live in Exxon-Mobil-Land as dictated by us!
Of course we would always disable the comments on the you-tube versions of that otherwise some pesky blasphemous pagans might say something like “And it's no surprise that on Exxon's youtube channel, they have the comments disabled for this video. Way to show your support for free speech and the truth Exxon.” Damn pagans don’t seem to realize that the mighty corporations own the truth with the authorization of the mighty Supreme Court, which we keep in our pocket.

In Exxon-Mobil-Land we’re the great saviors of the world and we can even decide which candidates you should choose from for president!

Clearly you should either choose the candidate from our right pocket, Mitt Romney who has made it clear that there is no need to pay any attention to Global Warming, after all Exxon Mobil has decided it doesn’t exist; or if you think we should pretend to protect the environment you can choose the candidate from our left pocket, Barack Obama who will be happy to pretend to pretend to protect the environment.
Both candidates are quite viable as indicated by the Mass Media and approved by the mighty Supreme Court with the endorsement of Exxon Mobil and the other corporations that have part ownership of these candidates!

Under no circumstances should people be allowed to give serious consideration to some one like Jill Stein, who clearly doesn’t agree with us and therefore must be evil and she should be burned in oil! So no matter what you do don’t take a closer look at Jill Stein! 
 
Jill Stein and other members of the green party seem to think that Global warming is real and that we need to address this problem.

Nothing could be further from the truth!

James Inhofe made that abundantly clear when he wrote “The Greatest Hoax;” however even if you don’t believe the credible and trustworthy senator from our right pocket consider what will happen if the environment is destroyed and it eventually does lead to the extinction of our species then this could actually solve an enormous amount of problems. That is right, it would solve many problems; just for the sake of argument lets say we allowed Jill Stein to have the presidency and implement her agenda and it prevented the extinction of the human race.

Dou you really think that would solve all of our problems?

Of course not!

If on the other hand we did destroy the environment and cause the extinction of our species then all of our problems would be solved due to the fact that in order to have problems you have to actually exist!
It makes perfect sense!

Jill Stein doesn’t believe we should solve all our problems permanently and Exxon Mobil does; so you should allow us to dictate the truth.

This is why only political candidates authorized by Exxon Mobil and the other oil companies should even be considered!

We even help them with their speeches sometimes to make them sound like our advertisements so that the public will increase their recognition of them and develop a taste for it like when we seem to have arranged for John Boehner to say, “The presidency is important. America has big challenges, big fiscal challenges, and we’ve got big challenges for our economy;” that one wasn’t handled by me but you have to admit it sounds an awful lot like the script they handed to me when they hired me to promote their propaganda and trash on the condition that I don’t talk trash about them or get drunk and spill the beans about the crap they give all the zombies which I’ll be sure to do.

I only write things like this after a few beers and I always remember to delete them before going to bed, or at the latest in the morning when I check my computer; otherwise it would be a matter of time before some idiot would find it and post it on a public forum and I would have to deny writing it.

That is why I always start them by saying that “I’m Artis Brown, maybe,” just in case that happens and I can say it was written by some crazy Blogger who was pretending to be me so that I can keep my job working for the natural born killers of the planet. 
 
(For more information on Blog see Blog description and table of context for most older posts.)

The following are the original replies when this was first posted on Open Salon.

Sometimes I fear that the SCOTUS ruling on campaign finance signals the end of the great experiment of democracy.

Sarah Cavanaugh April 30, 2012 04:07 PM

“corporate-sponsored newscasts” is there any other type of newscast Zachary?

Jack Heart April 30, 2012 07:45 PM

I never believe this type of testimonial ad unless it features someone who looks like me, i.e. a little old lady with gray hair. I guess they're not interested in appealing to my demographic.

Dr Stuart Jeanne Bramhall May 01, 2012 02:02 AM

You get the honor to be town Mayor...

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Algis Kemezys May 01, 2012 11:25 AM Sarah, SCOTUS has declared that bribery is protected by the Supreme Court but speech can often be restricted for non-donors.

Jack, not in the Mass Media; for that you’ll have to look through alternative media and sort it out for yourself; of course the corporations have put their alternates masquerading as grass roots media in the mix for you to slog through.

Stuart, what is the matter with you; haven’t you been listening; you’re supposed to believe what you’re told like a loyal zombie. Damn Pagans always trying to think for themselves. zacherydtaylor May 01, 2012 11:28 AM

Algis, I just missed your comment; Mayor, me?

I'll be sure to do what I can to solve all our problems permanently!

Thanks

zacherydtaylor May 01, 2012 11:33 AM

OK you could be Mayor just about anywhere...

Algis Kemezys May 01, 2012 12:37 PM

[r] brilliant, laser truth, Zachd! BRAVO!!! Occupymedia is where it has to eventually get to! The plug-in zombie drug. Money is power and buys non-stop tv messaging. I like the Jonathan Swift-ness of this satire! love the hat tips to Jill Stein!! best, libby

libbyliberalnyc May 02, 2012 01:59 PM

That excerpt from "Consuming Kids" is quite interesting, and I would imagine that the generation of children who come out of a school environment like that have a very different worldview because of it. And not in a good way!

Terrific post.

Jeanette DeMain May 02, 2012 02:12 PM

I believe, Big Brother, I believe. I also believe that BP is totally green since they tell me so on numerous TV commercials and say how they are improving the environment and lives of people where the recent "accidental spill" took place. If I could, I would elect BP for president!

Erica K May 02, 2012 02:16 PM

Libby, Not my fault, can’t prove anything, I didn’t do it, can’t prove anything; this guy Artis Brown must have hacked into my account and written this himself! If “Jill Stein doesn’t believe we should solve all our problems permanently,” as Artis says then she doesn’t deserve any hates off!

Jeanette, that is just the beginning of what the corporations are trying to do to children with their increasing influence in schools; there are at least a dozen good books on the subject by sincere researchers but the media ignores them so it has to be passed on by word of mouth until we have a more sincere media. One of those books is “Harvesting Minds” by Roy Fox which I reviewed in a previous post that included more excerpts.

Erica, stay by the phone Artis is hiring for Exxon Mobil you could have a new career as their next spokesperson!

zacherydtaylor May 03, 2012 09:44 AM