Monday, December 3, 2012

Truth in Advertising Store Now Open!!

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I am now opening a truth in advertising store because I think that most people are fed up with the lies that they’ve been getting from marketing people and that they will be so thrilled if stores just start telling the truth that they will start buying everything just to reward honesty even if the merchandise the marketing people are promoting is way overpriced and it is a pathetic bunch of crap!!

So buy all these products and provide a financial reward for truth in advertising!!

If you’re stupid enough to buy shoes that aren’t comfortable because they’re too tight then you must be stupid enough to buy the amazing Stretch Genie!! Instead of spraying oil, water or some other crap that you already have, buy our product and put our wedges in your shoes. The great thing is that this will spread your shoes out and add to the wear and tear that they already receive so they will fall apart even faster than they already do thanks to planned obsolescence the manufacturers have cut the costs to the bone so that you will have to buy them over and over again but that isn’t good enough for us so we want to sell you more crap that will speed up the process!

What ever you do don’t read reviews like does it work or Scimark because if you do you might not buy this product and the people marketing it need to put food on their family!!

Buy GetStrutz because it looks cool in our ad and we even invented some kind of story about it easing foot pain or some other crap like that.

Don’t pay attention to the Rip off Report the only reason they accepted this report is because we forgot to pay them off to keep out name off their report; if we had remembered then he would have received a cut and added our name to his list of advertisers that meet their “tough standards.”

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Buy Waxvac because we thought real hard to come up with an idea that sounds like it might work even though it won’t; and we thought of a great slogan for it so we created the product to promote! We figured if we only charged $10 for it we could add more in shipping and handling and when you got it you would only be out a small amount of money so you wouldn’t bother to fight it in court. That is the great thing about selling cheap crap; people are too embarrassed to admit they fell for these ridiculous scams so they don’t contest them.

Don’t read Rip Off Report; if they accept our advertising dollars next week they’ll withdraw this report anyway and put us on their sponsored list of approved vendors so that they can get their share of the loot we scam from you!

Buy WalkTC so that you’ll have a place in your bedroom to pile up your dirty clothes; but don’t admit to yourself that this is what you’re going to do with this piece of exercise equipment until after it is bought and paid for. You’re perfectly welcome to think that other people do this but you would never do so. You’re also welcome to think that if you pay for it then you will now have the incentive to actually exercise more often since you won’t want to waste your money. The great thing about this is that as soon as it becomes clear that you’re doing the same thing all the other suckers have done in the past you’ll go into denial and you’ll never try to get your money back!

Buy Baby Mop and start teaching your baby to consume before he or she even learns how to walk!! If you teach your child to be as obsessed with buying shallow crap as you are from this early age the child will turn into the perfect consumer. By the time your child is six years old he or she will be caught up in all the most pathetic gizmos that come up and he or she will never stop to think about whether or not these products do anything worthwhile!!

By the time your child graduates from high school he or she will be walking around like a consumer version of the Dunkin Donuts man only instead of walking around in his sleep early in the morning saying “Time to make the donuts,” your child will spend the rest of his or her life saying “time to buy incredibly useless crap that has been hyped up by a bunch of marketers that I never thought to question!”

Of course not everyone is thrilled with this type of marketing that targets kids; Juliet Schor wrote a book, “Born to Buy” that is highly critical of advertising to children and she claims that it does an enormous amount of long term damage to their critical thinking skills when it begins before they even go to school or while they’re still developing thinking skills in school. There are many other academics that agree with her including Susan Linn and Roy F Fox.

However the great and glorious “Consumer Advocate” Elizabeth Warren has saved the day! She says, “The Over-Consumption Myth rests on the premise that families spend their money on things that they don’t really need” and she goes on to refute Juliet Schor’s view of things without addressing many of the inconvenient issues that Juliet Schor addresses. No need to read ‘As public goods decay and democracy wanes, the populace is offered SUVs, malls, and debt’ by Juliet Schor; or acknowledge the fact that Elizabeth Warren isn’t a Consumer Advocate” at all! This is just a propaganda masterpiece by the corporate media and the political establishment to convince the public that someone will come along and save the day for them. The fact that the traditional corporate media presents her as a ”consumer advocate” and even the Huffington Post doesn’t have serious concerns about the baby Mop when they write articles saying they do; so the Baby Mop must be a great idea and you should turn your child into a mindless consuming zombie starting at as early an age as possible!

Teach that baby to buy, Buy, Buy!

Maybe Elizabeth Warren the great “Consumer Advocate” can be the new spokesperson for consumerism!
She Says over-consumption is a myth so buy, BUY, BUY!

Buy a SpaceBag if you want to store your stuff in a small spot and you don’t mind either spending an enormous amount of time cleaning and ironing them years from now or just throwing them away in frustration after you find out how wrinkled they become assuming that the product works at all. The best thing about it that if you do decide to iron them then the same investors that sold you this product might sell you an iron and other things to restore your clothes or better yet they’ll sell you an all new set of clothes that is disposable of course and it was made in a sweat shop where conditions are so horrible that the workers can’t possibly do a good job providing decent merchandise because they like making you buys stuff over and over again.

Whatever you do don’t read the rip off report because they have no credibility at all! They even approve Goldline so no doubt that as soon as we get around to agreeing sharing our loot with them they won’t hesitate to add our name to their approved list. Goldline is the same company that was investigated by the government unlike the other Gold peddlers which are all part of a media scam. If you have already done so then you should still buy Spacebag because even scam artists have to put food on their families! First you can buy from those of us who haven’t gotten around to paying them off to put us on their approved list then if you’re fed up with our crap you can buy from those of us that finally do get around to paying them off. After all they have to put food on their families too.

As for putting food on your own families who do you think cares about that; certainly not the media that keep running these scam ads or the government that does nothing about them either so what makes you think your family is worth anything??

Buy Fast Bright because you’re incredibly shallow and spend all your time worrying about your car. Besides you should buy it because we bought up almost half the ratings on the does this work page and eventually we’ll buy more than half of them.

How many times do I have to tell you not to look at the Rip Off Report!! We’ll buy them off don’t worry about it.

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Buy Magic screen because you’re so stupid you will believe any hyped up commercial that provides a product that has obviously been exaggerated and is being sold at a price that is so low it can’t possibly do what they advertise. The best thing about it that sicne it so cheap you won’t bother to return it and we can keep your money and you’ll be too embarrassed to admit that you fell for this pathetic scam! There’s no reason to check with the complaint board that is just for disgruntled customers that don’t know enough to be embarrassed by their own stupidity.

Buy Instabulb because you’ll fall for any dumb assed slogan! Don’t pay any attention to all the Pissed consumers that are complaining about this product; and don’t doubt the fact that you’re an idiot. Think about it if you weren’t an idiot who would be buying all these products to keep all these scam artists in business? Do you think it is the guy sitting next to you reading this same blog? What do you think he is thinking right now?

PT Barnum said there was a sucker born every minute; his math is way off by at least a factor of a hundred to one!!

Buy TryNoNo if you fall for any beauty scam they come up with because you’re really insecure and you think that spending money is the only way to solve that insecurity and never consider the possibility that you insecurity might be what is responsible for the fact that you fall for all these scams. If it makes you feel better we buy plenty of reviews that pretend to be from customers like Allison’s who went to the trouble to buy a domain name so that she could tell you how much she liked this product. She didn’t think you would even consider the fact that a customer that pays to provide a professional sounding review might be a scam! No need to pay attention to the fact that the vast majority of the people at Amazon’s review only gave it one star along with a complaint; this would have been much different if they offered the opportunity to give zero stars!!

We have plenty more products for you to buy; but be careful not to read any of the banned sites they’re ll from disgruntled people or people that we haven’t paid off with a share of the loot we get from our customers!

Don’t pay any attention to those people that claim that if the corporate media get all their funds from scams like this then it should raise doubts about how credible they are! Don’t think about whether this raises a conflict of interest if it comes to reporting about these scams!

And you certainly shouldn’t worry about the fact that while all these scams are protected speech many more credible sources like Juliet Schor, Roy F Fox and Susan Linn are almost completely banned form the corporate media due to the fact that they might interfere with all their propaganda trying to teach people to buy incredibly useless crap!
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The Hurry
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TRUTH IN ADVERTISING: If Ads Were Brutally Honest, Here's What They'd Say 

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