Bloopbert News: CNN plans to hire Jenna Jameson as news anchor!!

According to a reliable anonymous source without credibility CNN is now planning to hire Jenna Jameson as a news anchor to become more competitive in the news industry!

According to the anonymous source CNN has finally recognized that they no longer have any credibility as a news source unless the target audience is a bunch of mindless sheep so they're no longer going to worry too much about whether or not they appear credible anymore. The last straw was apparently when they bungled the Boston Bombing reporting so badly by reporting that a suspect had been arrested before there was an actual arrest! This was just one of the many blunders that they made in this instance and many others.

However this is only acknowledged be a small minority that only admit it when they feel that it won't be reported; officially they still claim to be "the most trusted name in news;" which is about as credible as the claim that Fox is "fair and balanced!"

At least they haven't tried to sue someone for using the phrase "the most trusted name in news;" unlike Fox who did make an attempt at suing over the trademark "fair and balanced!" If they had won then the only people that would be allowed to use the phrase "fair and balanced" would be those that are highly unfair and unbalanced!

Several executives allegedly claim that in order to compete with anchors like Megan Kelly and Mika Brzezinski they have to come up with even sexier reporters; and behind the scenes they might even admit that they no longer really care about reporting the news anymore and that they have turned into a reality show that provides more propaganda although they wouldn't admit this for the record.

By now it should be clear that most female news pundits are far more interested in flirting then they are in reporting the news and if the male pundits aren't flirting as well they're treating it like a sporting event or acting like high school bullies, certainly not trying to present news in a rational manner.



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This is what led them to hire Erin Burnett; they're now considering giving Jenna Jameson a time spot either just before Erin Burnett or just after. They might even have them show up for extra appearances on each others show especially when introducing Jenna Jameson's new show!





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There is little concern about whether or not Jenna Jameson is familiar with any of the important issues of the day since few if any of their other pundits are anyway. Instead they generally spend an enormous amount of time saying their going to talk about this subject and their going to talk about that subject without actually talking about any of them; instead they seem to spend much more time repeating the phrase "talk about" over and over again making some people wonder if they have an incentive plan for people the repeat the phrase "talk about" most often perhaps even providing a special bonus for someone who say "talk about:" most often in a single sentence without actually talking about anything at all; and perhaps they offer even bigger bonuses if they convince each other that they're not doing this, as if it is possible for them to do this without some people noticing how often they say "talk about" without talking about anything.

(gasp) Let me catch my breath.

Even Soledad O'Brien is getting in on this fast talking routine; she used to be a good reporter; or at least she did a much better job pretending to be a good reporter before but when she did her recent stunt on morning news she was talking as fast as the most manipulative of them and she did an exceptionally good job saying "'preciate that," dropping the a; that just sounds so kewl; which is much more important than reporting the news properly now.

There has been some concern that some members of the public might thing they are sinking too low, as if it isn't too late for that; so they are planning a massive campaign to make this seem like serious news especially since there are some people who have come to the conclusion that "Sexy Lady News Anchors Are Rotting Your Brain!" as indicated in the following article:

Sexy Lady News Anchors Are Rotting Your Brain!

A new study found men retain less information when the woman delivering the news wears a sexier outfit. Could shorter skirts and form-fitting blazers be the reason that the 24/7 news cycle is leaving Americans more ill-informed?

Indiana University researchers Maria Elizabeth Grabe and Lelia Samson had 400 subjects watch one of two short newscasts featuring the same 24-year-old journalist. In the first, she "was dressed in a tight-fitting dark blue jacket and skirt that accented her waist-to-hip ratio," bright red lipstick, and a necklace. In the second version, the woman wore "a shapeless and loose-fitting dark blue jacket and skirt," with no lipstick or jewelry.

The result: Men retained less information from the report when it was presented by the more attractive version of the anchor, and "saw the sexualized version of the anchor as less suited for war and political reporting." Women recalled more information from the sexualized anchor, but the effect was far less pronounced than with male subjects. What the anchor was wearing had no impact on whether or not female subject felt she was competent. Complete article

Some people have expressed concern about the fact that this belief might be supported by some incredibly shallow discussions that have turned out on message boards like Mika Brzezinski vs Robin Meade and Early Morning News Hotties.

Leading supporters of hiring Jenna Jameson have come up with an incredibly simple way to address this problem.

They simply won't mention it to the public.

This is the way they've been handling problems that they don't want to address for years so why stop now?

Besides when the competition does things like when Megyn Kelly Challenged Britney Spears To Showdown Over "F**k Me" Video: "Bring It, Britney!" (VIDEO) it isn't hard to seem rational by comparison.

There were additional concerns about the possibility that some people might think they're turning into a porn channel as if they haven't come close to that already. supporters of hiring Jenna Jameson have said they could address that concern by presenting her in a very dignified manner and promising that they would never let it stoop down to an undignified manner.

If they repeat this over and over again they expect it to work as well as moist propaganda that they saturate the news with when trying to indoctrinate the zombies that still believe they're a sincere news outlet.

For some strange reason one of the supporters of hiring Jenna Jameson allegedly agreed saying that they could deal with that easily adding that although "they might have to make an exception if their competitors went so far as to arrange to have Mika Brzezinski climb into Ariana Huffington's bed with Katie Couric."

He went on to say that if something like that ever happened they would have to do anything necessary to remain competitive, even arranging to have Jenna and Erin having a lesbian affair on the air that could gradually get more sensual until they might as well be a porn site. They expressed some concern that Rachel Maddow might beat them to it; but this was quickly dismissed since Rachel Maddow is the only remaining pundit that still continues to at least try to do a good job pretending to report on the news; even though the well informed won't fall for it even from her, but she keeps trying.

I have no idea why they would make such an odd and specific example for making an exception but as long as they stick with it then people concerned about them stooping any lower shouldn't have anything to worry about after all it is hard to imagine that they would do something so shallow.



Damn did I speak too soon? They really did put Mika Brzezinski into Ariana Huffington's bed with Katie Couric for cheap thrills.

Some people may come to the conclusion that I might be sexist by posting this; or that I might be presenting these dignified ladies like whores. Nothing could be further from the truth!

I would never try to imply that whores are as bad as these manipulative media propagandists! At least when it comes to prostitutes you know what to expect; the commercial media continues to act as if they're actually reporting the news when clearly they aren't which makes them worse than whores and they get paid higher for doing much more damage.

As for being sexists the male reporters aren't any better; although they use different tactics most of the time. John King and many other commentators have been presenting the news and politics as a sporting event for a long time recently even saying that when a plain carrying Evo Morales was forced to land in Austria it was a "big win for the Obama administration." Other male anchors are just as bad like when Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller constantly ridicule people they disagree with like a couple of cool teenage bullies.

Besides I could easily come up with plenty of men and woman that act much more sincere than any of the commentators that regularly appear on the commercial media.

It isn't me that is making the anchors seem worse than whore!

They did that without any help from me; I just happened to notice it. Which has been extremely ironic at times like when Mika Brzezinski acts self righteous when interviewing Eliot Spitzer; does she think that many people won't notice how incredibly hypocritical this is of her?

Megyn Kelly's look has changed a bit since Bethlehem High School

Rumors that the idea for Bloopbert News is a cheap copy of Shroomberg News by Don Rich will neither be confirmed or denied due to the fact that we wouldn't dignify such a claim with an answer; besides here at Bloopbert News we like to learn from the manipulation tactics that the mainstream media use and replicate them when it suits our purposes.